Both of these two posts have prompted me to blog about the idea of there being dating or sex 'rules', something that really, really annoys me.

The first link (to this post) is about the three day rule - the notion that after a date or other encounter you should wait three days before contacting the other person involved, otherwise you'll run the risk of seeming too eager. I mean, expressing interest in someone you're meeting with because they (hopefully) interest you? What an awful idea, anyone would think that relationships formed through spontaneity and good communication!

I hate the idea of people playing games with each other just to make themselves feel they have an advantage. I was once criticised by a (completely platonic and probably my best) female friend for replying to a girl's texts too quickly. This really frustrated me, because obviously if that is how she thinks I should behave then there will be other girls who will agree with her, but to me deliberately taking a long time to reply to someone seems entirely pointless. I love the rapid interplay, the quick fire tête-à-tête that texting provides - the cheeky text sent while almost wincing because you know you could be being far too forward, but then the bold reply that makes that bravado worth it. If flirtatious exchanges like these took place over hours and hours they just wouldn't be the same. The tense atmosphere of anticipation would drift away and I'd become distracted. Rather than making her seem desirably elusive and aloof, I'd be far more likely to become much less interested.

While a bit of a wait before initially contacting someone does build suspense and anticipation (which is great, I'm not saying that everyone should communicate instantly and constantly!) what really annoys me about this rule is people's blind faith in there being a set period of time that will be applicable to every situation. Why anyone would let their relationships be determined by rules bandied about by others is beyond me. Every situation, every person and every (possibly potential) relationship is different, so the idea of there being an optimum time to wait before contacting someone seems ludicrous. I've never noticed anyone using this on me, but if I did I'd be struck by their lack of confidence in their own actions, as well as their desire to stick to conventions - not at all hot, and it certainly wouldn't give them any sense of intrigue.

The third date rule is also infuriating. This is the idea that by not immediately sleeping with someone, by waiting until at least the third date you will retain guys interest and encourage a relationship to develop rather than have the first date form a one night stand. While I can see more logic in this idea than the three day rule, it's still frustrating, because again it is removing spontaneity from people's actions.

If I was dating with the intention of finding a partner and I immediately hit it off with someone, we spent the evening flirting shamelessly and then the night fucking equally shamelessly I would seriously consider ending my search - the chemistry and attraction would have been obvious because we acted according to instincts and desires, not some hackneyed old 'rule'. Now, if I had met the same girl, and we had shared as wonderful a chemistry but not slept together then I would obviously still be interested in her, but I would go home feeling slightly less brilliant about the whole thing. Other people's opinions and feelings can be hard to gauge, but relentless flirting then being dragged into bed behind them is a pretty strong indicator of absolute interest.

I also don't like the touch of morality to this rule. It's the 21st century, women and girls really do not need to subscribe to any conventions set by society before they sleep with someone. If the situation is right and both partners feel the same way then having sex on the first date does not make anyone a lesser person than if they wait for 1, 2, 3 or any other amount of meetings before they have have sex with each other.

I treat my relationships with everyone with the view that I will be open and communicative with them. For me, this helps avoid drama and angst and results in really good relations. I think my strong belief in this way of doing things is what makes me so opposed to relying on rules and conventions that are more concerned with trying to second guess what other people are thinking than actually let them know what you yourself are thinking.